Dear Adrienne: What is Spirituality and how do I find the one?

Dear Adrienne,

I’m trying to begin my path in spiritual work. I’m not sure what spirituality actually is, but it seems that people really hold onto their concepts of how spirituality should be expressed.

So what is it? Where should I go?  I need guidance in this process.

Thanks.

Yané Marí

Dear Yané Marí,

 Lately, I’ve been considering the subject of spirituality and a shared belief amongst many that their particular technique or path is better than all the others. The entire field of spirituality has become more like a high school pep rally instead of a deeply meaningful (and personal) journey of the soul as it unfolds its own divinity. The chant of “my team” is so much better than “your team” is the norm on social media and in many circles. But, I ask you this, isn’t it presumptuous to think we can know what’s best for someone else in this highly personal journey of a soul? We may enjoy our own practice and feel it’s delivered on its promise of more connection with what we truly are. Fantastic, that’s great! But to think that we know the “best way” for every single individual's journey, I’d say, is overstepping our authority. 

Every seeker wishing to understand what more there is in life starts much like you are at some point in their spiritual quest. Not knowing exactly what they are searching for, or what spirituality is, or which direction to go. Depending on who you ask, you’ll get the full range of responses.  I’ll happily share a few tips for you to consider as you find your way to a path that is best for you. Notice how we make this about you? I’m not going to tell you that any given technique or philosophy is “the way” to whatever you feel your goal is when exploring your connection to a higher authority.  Spirituality is definitely not a one-size-fits-all endeavor. Now, if we’re going by what we are taught on social media, the development of your “spirituality” will rely on something outside of yourself to bring about some special mystical “experience”. It’s maybe a belief in a teaching, some knowledge, maybe even in a meditation that says, “this is the best way” to find what you seek. Some self-proclaimed "experts" say absorbing the energy of crystals, grounding yourself in nature by running barefoot through the forests, watching your thoughts to force them in a positive direction, dancing in the moonlight while the whirling, swirling smoke of incense permeates your soul, is “the way” to develop more connection with the universe. Ritual is nice, it’s sweet, and many of these practices can have some value. But there’s something much more profound in what spirituality is and how you develop it. 

Spirituality begins inside of you; in fact, I’d be willing to bet that it’s stirring around inside of you right now. It’s that whisper in your heart that says, “There’s something more to life”. Maybe a niggling feeling inside that what you see outside is limiting, because you yourself have had an experience of expansiveness walking through the woods, an experience that seems to connect you with something greater than yourself. You’ve felt that wave of joy that comes with no prompting from anything outside of you. You think to yourself, if it’s all coming from inside and not outside, then how do I experience this more? 

It’s so tempting to look outside of us to find the answers, looking for a teacher, a guide, a guru, maybe someone who represents a philosophy or practice, all promising more spirituality and connection with something greater than yourself. My point is this: there is not one way to feel more spiritual, there are many ways, and this is where your knowledge and research come in. Rather than looking outside to a particular expert or influencer, why not research what knowledge exists on spiritual development, with an emphasis on seeking inner peace and connection with something greater than yourself? The ancient texts or scriptures of many philosophies: the Vedas, including the Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, the Buddhist scriptures, Abrahamic mystical traditions, Qur’an, Sufi poetry, Kabbalah, Tao Te Ching, all have a common thread throughout. That commonality is that everything that you are searching for outside can be found inside of you, your big Self, or what is also called your real Self, not your small self (ego). Once you read the ancient writings on spirituality, see how it feels to you from the perspective of your intuition. Does it resonate as truth? Research who is teaching this ancient knowledge, are there techniques that are associated? Is it important to you that the techniques are science-based? Are they easy? Really spend some time understanding what is available and how it resonates with you.

Even your definition of what spirituality means may change. But the point is that it’s *your* definition, not someone else’s. This is how you become more aware of your own autonomy: you pause, and feel. You take a moment to hear your intuition, see what resonates with you, and proceed in a way that only supports you and your intuition. I’m not going to say that spirituality is the same for every person, and certainly one path does not fit all. Instead, I’ll say that your path is between yourself and Nature, God, or whatever your belief is of a higher presence. 

As with anything important, here are green flags (and red flags) to assist when finding the path that’s right for you: 

Green ✅: 

1. Doesn’t claim to be the best way.

2. Encourages you to use your own Self as a guide.

3. Encourages open Inquiry.

4. Doesn’t ask you to follow anyone.

5. Doesn’t Market or Pitch.

6. Doesn’t make your growth contingent on anything outside of you.

7. Doesn’t minimize you. 

Red ❌: 

1. Says they are the best way.

2. Says to participate you need to change something about you.

3. Tells you to do something you don’t understand.

4. Says that someone else is better or has more “consciousness” than you. 

5. Says one thing but does another. 

6. Espouses principles, but the actions don’t align.

7. Makes you doubt your feelings and thoughts through spiritual bypassing. 

At the end of the day, the real test of a technique or practice is how you feel. If you feel pressured into doing anything, whether it’s a technique or practice, yoga, meditation, crystals, or chanting— stop and assess. Your spirituality and relationship with your Self is a highly personal journey; it’s up to you to decide the path you take.  

Good Luck!

Adrienne